Dear Bee,
An alcoholic in recovery is often encouraged to analyze his or her environment and adjust it to avoid triggers, setbacks, and possible obstacles. Because…why make life harder?! For this reason, one would never encourage an alcoholic to hang out in a bar, make a beer run, or socialize with other alcoholics. General society is accepting towards these avoidance strategies; in fact, people would often be horrified to see a recovering alcoholic out on a pub crawl, even if he insists he will stay sober. We often believe that even the mere sight of alcohol can trigger someone in recovery. And, indeed, for certain people, it certainly might.
But, what about with eating disorders? Obviously, we know food is an inevitable, necessary component of life. Avoiding consumption is impossible. And, yet, society has not yet adapted to this. A recovering alcoholic can turn down a drink because he or she is now sober. When someone recovering from an eating disorder turns down an extra serving of dinner or (insert any food here), because he or she has now committed to his or her own lifestyle of sobriety, however that may be defined, people respond with bewilderment, anger, or even personal offense.
What did I find triggering before working through recovery?
One cookie can’t kill you! You’re right. It cannot. But, eating one cookie, especially if I do not want it or if I only eat it to appease someone else, may lead to an unwarranted stream of anxiety, guilt, and stress. If I am hungry for the cookie, I will eat it. But, do not pressure me or minimize the cookie’s capabilities.
Have you lost weight? You look great! Yes, yes, I have. In fact, when I woke up this morning, I weighed 0.8oz than I weighed last night. You mean, you’re just noticing this now? I have lost weight, but no, I don’t look great. I have an eating disorder. Obviously, my body is terrible. You must be delusional…or sucking up to me. Which is it? And why? What are your motives, huh? You want something from me?
I need to go on a diet. Don’t ask me for advice, don’t ask me for advice, don’t ask me for advice….oh, you need advice? What do I do? Oh, I just eat right. Yeah, a lot of whole foods, natural things, the occasional all-day binge where I empty out every baked good in my house, you know? I exercise a LOT too! Sometimes to the point of absolute exhaustion. It works for me. Clearly.
She looks anorexic! Oh, you so DID NOT just go there. Really? she looks anorexic? And you’re qualified to make that assessment? What if she has cancer? Malnutrition? What if she is just naturally thin or on medication that weans her appetite? Huh? Ever consider that, you ignorant asshole? Oh, wait, maybe she does have anorexia. Maybe she’s suffering and killing herself slowly every single day. You think whispering around and commenting on her body’s appearance makes you superior? It’s people like YOU that reinforce the standard of “normalcy” and “beauty” and people like YOU that perpetuate the skyrocketing eating disorder rates.
She’s just a fat bitch. You know what? She may be fat. She may even be a bitch. But, chances are, the two are not interchangeable. This insult tends to be a cheap cop-out, and throwing weight around to insult another is just a form of acting superior and displacing anger on something as inanimate…as a body shape? I truly feel sorry for you and your inability to creatively use the English vocabulary to develop constructive criticism.
I think I’m just going to try a juice fast. You know, to cleanse the toxins? And I think I’m just gonna try an eating disorder. You know, to destroy my body.
Eat when you’re hungry; stop when you’re full. NO WAY. YOU ARE A GENIUS. Seriously, a genius. You must have a PhD. You must be a world-renowned doctor. SUCH REVOLUTIONARY THINKING. But, in all honesty, would you like me to throw this plate on you now? Or after I finish shoveling all the food on it into my mouth?
I’m seriously so full. I can’t believe I ate all that! Yeah…I could eat that as an appetizer. Maybe even as the pre-appetizer appetizer.
Do I find these statements triggering now? Not so much. Call it overly optimistic or just extremely tolerant, but I believe people have inherent goodness, and I do not believe anyone is purposely trying to sabotage my mental well-being. I know that I am not perfect, and therefore, I may be triggering to others as well.
Mindfulness is everything.
We are not defined by the events, people, or situations surrounding us.
We are defined by the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors we use to REACT to them.
